Monday, November 24, 2008

Left-Wing Radicals

Great inventions are few and far between. The most useful tools are ones that anyone can use to make life easier and better in some way. The computer was great, sure. But it was not until the modern day "mouse" was invented did we all sigh a breath of relief.

The trackball, which was the early key part to the computer mouse, was first invented in 1952. The ball itself was a standard Canadian five-pin bowling ball. Before I continue on with the point of this story I feel compelled to talk about that last sentence. Five-pin bowling? Only in Canada. Apparently ten-pin had too many pins: 10. Plus, the pins were too large and so was the bowling ball. Weight room! Weak Canadians aside, the mouse went through many changes to get to its modern day laser pointed trans-handed design. And this exact point in the mouse time-line is where I have a problem.

We let them live among us. We allow them to have a natural curve to their pitches and their own side of the batters box. We even allow them to drive on their side of the England. But giving them the ability to use a mouse like you and I...well, that's where I draw the line!

I say we amend the state constitution to ban primary left hand use in California. All in favor, raise your right hand. All opposed, smear your writing. Lefties shouldn't have the same rights as us righties.'s right there: righties. Also, the terminology should be changed to righties and wrongies. Well, I'm not a monster. I can give a little on the terminology. Lefties and the people far superior to them.
Southpaws, do not fight the vote. With Obama's supporters coming out to vote, lefties are sure to be banned. 70% of black people hate lefties and the other 30% are lefties. Lefty black people are like albino black people: Creepy.

"What if I am injured and only have a left hand?"

Without the right hand...
you're dead already.

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