A Short Poem For All Ages

I once knew a girl who made princess toys.
Well no, not the toys, but the boxes.
These plastic figurines were not made for boys;
Rather, they were made for children without coxes.

The Last of the Skipping Stones

Flat and round,
upon the ground,
the last of the skipping stones lie.

Others splash.
No skip, no dash.
They sink to the bottom and die.

Which to choose?
Without some grooves,
How does one tell them apart?

Not by size,
a solid guise,
but how it beats in it's heart.

Held in hand,
if pulse is bland,
disregard and go find a new.

On water,
sinks without her,
skipping heartbeats being with you.

The Lion and The Fly

He's a big ol' putty cat with a mane, crown of fur
The lionesses dig him, his scent, his allure.

The females crowd the king and lick at his face,
but his liege swats them away to give him his space.

He sits alone, licks his chops stained blood red.
Just the king in the shade of a tree old and dead.

One ear twitches. The tail jerks. Now both ears.
Slight touches. Light buzzing. Then he appears.

The pest of the dead, the speck of black in the sky.
Paradoxical in origin. The smell or the fly?

Again the king swats. "Away with you tormentor."
The fly takes no notice, and remains a dissenter.

Given no choice the lion lets his paws go,
he bites at the sky and tail he does throw.

The fly carries on. Land. Fly. Land. Fly...at will.
While the king begins to tire from his illusive kill.

The lord falls to the dirt, pants hard, head on ground,
as the fly still continues to effortlessly dance around.

13 Degrees of Neil No Knees

I didn't know him,
his existence and presence never in mind.
Yet somehow our lives,
Strangely and eventually became entwined.

I knew Slutty Sarah,
just as everyone does.
She slept with Mickey Molar,
well... just because.

Now Mickey had this dentist,
whom pulled out all his back teeth:
a dentist named Lack Luster Larry,
a molar pulling thief.

Larry's looks were forgettable,
just ask his ex wife.
It lead to their divorce,
and Move-on Malinda's new life.

Malinda's second marriage canned,
like the third, forth and fifth.
So she hired Yiddish Yente,
to see whom she'd be matched with.

Yente knew women and men,
she knew many straight, many gay.
She even knew Nancy Opel,
who played Yente on Broadway.

Nancy has also done TV,
including every Law & Order.
And like Bolder Bowling Bill,
She grew up on a border.

Bill loved his Kansas bowling,
which is done with rocks not balls.
His stiffest competition:
none other than Walter Waterfalls.

Walter cried like a baby,
every time he lost a rolling round.
Which angered Janitor Jerry,
who mopped his tears off the ground.

Jerry was a simple man,
who did as he was told.
Unlike his wife Commanding Camilla,
who controlled the young and the old.

Camilla was a Principal,
and read bingo numbers Wednesday nights.
She worked with Doorman Darrel,
who broke-up all the old people fights.

Darrel was surprised by old-folk scuffles,
and broke them up with care.
For he had heard all the stories,
of Mr. Hulking Harry Hair.

With green hair and large muscles,
Harry once knocked an old lady down.
The lady's son Victory Verdict Vincent,
got green Hair cut from the town.

Vincent leads us to our destination,
his oddest client, which everyone agrees.
The case of the missing lower joints,
the case of Neil No Knees.

A Dire Outcome for Mr. Bloom

Not by explosion
Not by blood loss
Not by a rabid animal on the streets

Not by plane crash
Not by snake bite
Not by accidental stabbing by cleats

Not by knife
Not by fire
Not by drowning in a pool of oil

Not by stroke
Not by heart attack
Not by a dirty infected old boil

Not by cannibalism
Not by cancer
Not by an allergic reaction to an apple he took

Not by virus
Not by old age
Not by an accident with a grapple: type hook

It is true...
There was a dire outcome for Mr. Bloom
And yet still...
We cease to know what caused his death and his doom

Every Lonely Body Part Bleeds

And as I held your head, which rolled off of your neck,
your face was still alive and unaware of the wreck.
And my last vision, your smile, insured our love would stay,
as our hearts, like the car, slowly burned away.

The Forgotten Friend

One day they were made,
these long wooden things.
While sporting an eraser,
you could draw wings.

Oh everyone loved,
this brand new tool.
The pencil was the best,
it was definitely cool.

But then one day,
something new came around.
It had a ballpoint,
no eraser to be found.

It glided across paper,
with the greatest of ease.
The pencil had grip,
and screwed up the g's.

So now everyone wanted
this new pen friend.
Too bad for the pencil,
was this the end?

But some still remember
the pencil's great skill.
I use the forgotten friend,
and I always will.


I wrote this poem in a freshmen English course in high school. I turned it in rather than the actual written assignment on "Romeo and Juliet." I was given a B for at least making something up which was fun to read (as apposed to trying to fake the assignment...those always suck).

The Feared Cat of Timbuktu

There once was a cat from Timbuktu.
He had ten thousand claws and 5 tails too.
He ripped through tourist from France and Spain,
and washed off their blood while he danced in the rain.

He purrs to the sound of his food while it dies,
and chopsticks his eat'ns like Miyagi with flies.
He gets stuck in trees just to waste time,
and thinks, "Meow...which is better? Lemon or lime?"

His fur balls consisted of fur and some bones.
His litter box gags skunks and is smelt through the phones.
He mocks male dogs by stooping their bitches,
and fixes his wounds with his whiskers as stitches.

I urge you! Fear the cat from Timbuktu,
because Mr. Jiggle Bottoms will gladly kill you.

Klondike Bars and Lover Scars

Cold on the inside and sweetness on out,
I nibble away at your sides.
Like a Reese's there is no wrong way,
devour till hunger's head hides.

Yet hunger's head is a fool in a small white room,
a room with one closet door.
There is no place to sneak or to be unseen,
nob twist to find X on floor.

Finished now, my belly does moan,
"please give me another fill!"
But I can't because alas, I destroyed my Bar,
her out and in, I did kill.

Harriet Times and Her Many Many Crimes

Harriet Times committed many many crimes,
she committed them every day.
She murdered. She stole.
(Swiped the north and south pole.)
At red lights, she just did not stay.

Harriet opened other's mail and broke into their homes,
she stayed out on the beach well past curfew.
She smuggled in Cubans, the cigars not the people,
and she also smuggled in Cubans.

That last part didn't ryme, for her most resent crime,
was stealing how this poem flows.
It also once had an ending, but that's stolen too.
How it ends, nobody...

Sir Adam Sleep and the Leaping Killer Sheep

Everyone knows that when one is tired all they need do is count some sheep.
But what do you do when one is tired and one's name is Sir Adam Sleep?

Sir Adam Sleep is a gentleman's gentleman and the pride of country and crown,
yet when Sir Adam Sleep begins to feel wheezy he dare not try to lie down.

When Sir Adam was a lad he grew up on a peaceful farm.
He once feel asleep in a field, and here is where he found harm.
He awoke to a horrible sight, a sight that rattled his will.
Larry the Lamb was jumping the carcass of Larry's latest kill.

I feel I must mention, before we go on, this lamb, named Larry by all.
Larry was the type, call him beast call him lamb, that had the killer's call.
He tore into his pals, he tore into some birds, he tore into wolves who sneaked in.
Larry the Lamb, too be quite clear, was in love with his mistress named Sin.

Now back to the sight, which Sir Adam Sleep did, on that night, dreadfully see.
His father, Maximilian Sleep, chewed to the bone and leaped by Larry, count three.

Larry leaped one.
Larry leaped two.
Larry leaped one, two, three.



...too be continued (find out what happens to Larry the Lamb and why Sir Adam Sleep was knighted)