Universally Established

Some things are just known. These are a few...

Decepticons

Most people will have to go to an auto shop and have to deal with a car mechanic at least once in their lifetime. This is unfortunate.

What they do know:

• You know nothing about cars.
• Your car is broke and you need it to (essentially) survive.

What they don't know:

• Not one person trusts an auto mechanic.

How can they not know that every person thinks they are shady. In Seinfeld we first meet David Puddy (the voice of The Emporor's New Grove's Kronk...for you Disney love'n type), Elaine's on-again off-again boyfriend, who is a mechanic in New York. Jerry is unsure of the quote he is getting on his car, so Jerry trys to get Elaine to get Puddy to give her price estimates while they are sleeping together. Sound confusing? Watch The Fusilli Jerry episode of Seinfeld.



We call mechanics grease-monkeys but as Puddy from Seinfeld points out, "I don't know too many monkeys that could take apart a fuel injector." The bottom line is we don't know how to fix our cars. The mechanic can charge us a ton of money just because they want to or because the tow-truck left your car with them. These Decepticons love money and hate fairness. Plus, they hate soap. Don't shake their hands.

We're Still Doing This?

Who is still spitting their gum out on the street or any type of walk way? I stepped in a piece outside of the grocery store yesterday...yesterday in the year 2009! Years ago when gum became wide spread it may have become uncommon to step in gum, but still!? I thought by the 80's it was established that chewed gum dispensed all over the ground was a big problem. Not only does it stick to shoes, but it ruins the floor and appearance of it's environment. Gum droppings attract birds, bugs, and bums.

The bottom line is not only do we hate stepping in gum, but we really hate bums.

Chiclee! Chiclee!

When in Mexico, There are a few things one can count on: the poverty, the heat, and the chiclets.

Oh God...the chiclets. As soon as one hits those streets of Mexico, children swarm like bums outside the post office. "Chiclee! Chiclee!", they cry out holding up their hands packed with square wrapped gum. Understand that I do not hate the children, which many (my two readers...) may have assumed that's where I was going with this rant. I hate the product selection.


Selling Orbitz you say? Some Bubbleyum? Big League Chew!? I'll take two!

A chiclet is possibly the worst gum selection a person could choose. Chiclets do not have any flavor...just different colors (like that old zebra-print gum). The pieces aren't even individually wrapped!

Oh, and who decided gum is what everyone wants in Mexico? Maybe a bottle of clean water would better fit the Mexican market. Plus, this just in! Immigration problems solved! Mexicans can come over to do the work Americans will not do and make money to buy better gum (in bulk from Costco) for their children to sell in Mexico. From the tourist to the Mexican...everyone wins. I do believe Mexican children would be sought out if they sold a higher quality gum that could last a little longer.

Speaking of "last a little longer," even Big Red would be a better choice, and Big Red is a cinnamon gum. Why, by the way, doesn't cinnamon gum taste like a cinnamon bun? Why does cinnamon taste differently depending on what it is on?

I hate inconsistent cinnamon.