Showing posts with label hate love dilemmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hate love dilemmas. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Hate Love Dilemmas: Croutons

Air never tasted so good.


Who knew that when eating stale porous pieces of bread one could enjoy a salad so much? Croutons have become so popular that many different flavors and shapes of the dried out bread have been created. I, like millions, love croutons. And I, like millions, hate croutons.

To eat salad you stab the leaves or lettuce with a fork. Sure the veggies stay on the fork, but when a crouton is stabbed the crouton cracks in half and falls from the fork. This, of course, assumes the crouton isn't too hard to even be punctured. One ends up using the fork like a spoon to eat stale bread bits. My, how the might have fallen. The fork has been reduced to the depths of the spoon. Anything can scoop, but it takes a true tool to impale. I love and hate croutons.

While we're on the subject...

Like croutons, I do love myself a yellow apple and week old Mother's frosted oatmeal cookies. The yellow apple is an oddity. A mixing of both red and green apple. Not sour like the green, yet not crispy and solid like the red. A yellow apple is an inbred of the two. Not natural and almost rotten. Yet, that is how I like my apples...almost rotten. Just like the week old Mother's frosted oatmeal cookies.

Soft. Tasty. Almost rotten.

Delicious.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Hate Love Dilemmas: Chunky Peanut Butter

I love chunky peanut butter. I am a crazy fiend for peanuts, so then I must obviously love extra peanuts in my peanut butter. Possibly the weirdest thing ever, yet it worked so well.

Chunky peanut butter really is an odd thing. They (the executive at JIF, Peter Pan, etc.) decided they would not grind up all the peanuts, but rather, leave some just broken. Not crushed. Just damaged.

Despite all of it's success, and even the amount of joy I receive from the damaged product...

I hate it!

Have you ever tried to spread chunky peanut butter on a piece of soft bread? It takes half the jar! It crumples up the bread as you spread, and it over powers the jelly on a PB&J like a strong wind to old people. Sorry Jelly. I never wanted it like this, but these are the thing that must be with chunky peanut butter. I hate and love chunky peanut butter.

Oh, and I hate telling people I like "peanuts." When you say it quickly it sounds like "penis." There is always a moment of uncomfortable silence while the person I tell registers that I have said "peanuts" and not "penis." Or maybe there isn't a moment and I am unknowingly gay...


(uncomfortable silence)